


Truly, a shame

by LexorRex



Category: Ghost (Sweden Band)
Genre: Angst, Intrusive Thoughts, acception of intrusive thoughts but not in a healthy way, envy n some other emotions like that, murder and blood warning, the original character has no name okay
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-09
Updated: 2020-10-09
Packaged: 2021-03-07 20:36:00
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,582
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26913757
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LexorRex/pseuds/LexorRex
Summary: It is truly a shame that the Papas left us.Sister probably has a bigger role in the assassination of the Papas than Copia, or at least that’s what I would like to be true. My dear friend, however, likes to think it is the other way around. I do think there is another element causing her mind to go to that route, perhaps guilt, jelousy, envy. The wish for him to be less than everyone told him he was.The wish to be him.
Kudos: 1





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Listen listen, I know this may be real cheesy but I want to put some lyrics at the start of every chapter so bear with me  
> "All that I know  
> I'm willing to give it away  
> All that I love  
> Disappeared like sand in the ocean  
> Remember the lives  
> Lost within withering pages, trying to hide  
> But I see tragedy through a lifetime"  
> Bloody Angel - Avatar

It is truly a shame that the Papas left us.

Truly, what a shame. The rumors kept on going about how that happened, but no one had a clear answear. So much time passed, to the point in which the rest of the Church wondered if even the Clergy had the so ached for answears. To some, those would bring peace of mind, to others their lifes would become a tragedy, almost like a romance book, but this time, instead of the pain being beautifully portrayed by the author, it would become a feeling that would be felt for years upon years.

But this is not the moment to think of the probabilities. The job has already happened, been completed and no one opened their mouths since it benefited them. The ghouls had the chance to stay longer on Earth, conscious of their lives and choices, Copia got to be the new Papa, and Imperator had a silver touch on the situation.

What that means? Well, Sister is known for her leadership behind the courtains... and a few other things, but these vary from person to person. To me, she can manipulate a situation without being looked at as the puppeteer, or even looked at at all. And that intrigues me.

She probably has a bigger role in the assassination of the Papas than Copia, or at least that’s what I would like to be true. My dear friend, however, likes to think it is the other way around. Of course, she doen’t see the world as I do, so I’ll give her that. I do think there is another element causing her mind to go to that route, perhaps guilt, jelousy, envy. The wish for him to be less than everyone told him he was.


	2. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me? Being cheesy again? Yes.  
> "Oh it's not true, I don't wish harm upon you  
> From birth we've been like brothers of different mothers  
> Within the spirit of the same womb  
> May the gods strike me down if I forsake you  
> Frater meus, you're beautifully made  
> And to you I'm forever grateful  
> I'll never forget that you showed me to make art  
> And I know the love you showed me came  
> From a pure and noble heart  
> I love you, and if you want, I'll call you king  
> But why do I lie awake each night thinking  
> Instead of you, it should be me?"  
> Brutus - The Buttress

Life was not that easy on that one. Raised catholic, turned into satanism later in life after saying goodbye to her family. Following a carreer inside the Church seemed obvious, since it was such a big part of her life. The initial intentions could be called noble, even though I hate that word, but yes, our friend here did have good intentions comming from that little heart.

She wanted to bring to others what the Church brought her. This line of thinking showed her peace of spirit and mind, and so she walked that road.

Grew to be close friends with some of the Siblings, and as she got promoted step by step, until becomming a cardinal, grew closer and closer to people of the highest prestige... and also the... ghouls? Incredibly interesting figures those are.

Somewhere along that walk she got lost. Lost a part of herself. She didn’t really mind anymore about how her work affected others, this time it became curiosity lead. Curiosity for the occult magick, the occult rituals. The ones made by the dear Papas and the ghouls only, the ones that took the highest ranking in the church to prepare. She wanted to be in there. She didn’t get to.

Maybe that is where she truly lost her past self. I shouldn’t be saying lost, should I? Changed. Things in nature do not appear or disapear, they change. Or maybe they could get lost, hm? Lost in a large field in which you can barely see. You stumble upon objects, losing parts or gaining new ones, liking it or not. You can always find the parts you left behind, but by the time you get to them... they are dusty. They have chenged. You can try to glue it on, but it won’t fit since you are a new shape.

Melting them onto you may help. Still, you’ll never be like the old one.

And I guess this is what happened to that woman. Her eyes became dirty after giving in to the envy for a higher position. Of becoming a Papa... or Madre. Yes, yes, their branch of satanism clearly advocated for allowing yourself to give in to the carnal sins, but at that point, envy had became a sorrow excuse for a lie in disguise.

And what a lie she is grasping on. Believing that the highest position would solve all her issues by being worshipped untill and after death. Believing she is what others tell her she is, so when she became Madre she would truly be good, be worth. Almost a godly-like figure.

Maybe this came from not knowing the Papas enough, of enviosioning as perfect, even with perfect flaws. She didn’t exactly see them as human, only physically, but mentally she refused to see them as complicated beings. Eventually she became blind for the goal of becoming like them.

It is complicated to explain the feeling of being blinded by a goal. It is that of pure focus, but only after ignoring the reasons of why you chose that focus. You know something is wrong with the base of your thoughts yet you refuse to rethink it because it would be so much trouble. So many coins have already been beted in this objective and now you Have to focus.

And just like that she did. Focused, spent months lusting over the position, fantasizing the goods that came with it. Enviyng a dream.


	3. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Same song as the last chapter, yes  
> "This death will be art  
> The people will speak of this day from near and afar  
> This event will be history  
> And I'll be great too  
> I don't want what you have!  
> I wanna be you!"  
> Brutus - The Buttress

She had this idea for a long time now. At first it started as little thoughts, small ideas that got translated as a joke inside her own head. She knew she couldn’t vocalize them but a smile grew on her face everytime she would think of them.

I would rather believe she was laughing due to the absurdity of those thoughts.

With time, however, instead of searching for someone who could help her, she decided it was a great idea to flesh those ideas out. At first it was wondering around on her own thoughts with words, later on, she let her vivid imagination take the job and create images, even daydreams were formed.

Honestly, right now, I am rather uncomfortable exploring her thoughts. She now has no conflict over it. Whatever was holding her back at first is gone. It is all so real. She feels alive imagining such a situation, a situation that makes me sick to my stomach as I am telling you this, dear reader. Her hands filled with blood, royalty blood of those who she was taught once to worship, to follow their lead.

At certain moment the idea of truly killing them felt heinous, taking their lives away, the lives of wonderful creatures, but as time passed her lust over possessing such status overthrew the same gut reaction I have as of right now. This! This is what held her back for a moment! But as I said, it is all gone, how could she let this overthrow not only her thoughts, but her actions before society as well?

I am not sure. I am not even sure on how to tell her following actions, describe the knife she grabbed with the intent of making dreams come true or the moment before she started moving towards his office, praying that he would be there, praying the He would be along her side in this atrocious journey.

There was no feeling of hoping, there was only the sensation of being alive at the moment she opened that door. Her heart was beating fast, and I wanted for the life in his eyes to scare her, give her a moment of sobriety, but it acted more as a fuel to her ilusion. He didn’t expect much from her, he never did.

There was little dialog in that room. He asked, she answered and his throat was at her mercy, no time for begging as her knife made a path to his throat, the blood came out, her hands became stained with royal red, that was her blood now. She held him as he fell, the noises not making into her transe filled with some sort of euphoria. Until everything was silence once again.

She looked around. Saw the body on the floor, hands near her own as a pointless sign of desperation. Now there was blood on her clothing, his head on her lap. Nobody heard this? Except for me I assume.

The woman didn’t stop there. She was intrigued by the Papa who now had left us, thinking about his reign in paradise along with his brothers. Now it was her turn of becoming history, she was now the one to assume this sacred position, feeling already her own mind change to fit such responsibility. Power was finally present within her. Plus, she was making him a favour, right? His name would never be forgotten this way.

And so she stared at him. In the wall there was a painting. Her hands came to undress the predecessor, taking the blue cloth and slowly putting on herself. Some paint was left in a nearby mirror and her hands enjoyed every movement as they danced along her face, creating a familiar pattern only to those eyes. She finally recognized her image. She finally was what she had once intended. Her daydreams had come true, the power was running through her veins, even though the rush of had was gone. How much time has she been standing there already? Only admiration filled her mind, admiration for the being being looked in the mirror, including the bloody hands. Her actions were being justified. And yet she had not become who her dreams told her she would.

Instead, she became something else.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You got to the end, and I hope you truly enjoyed. It took more time writting this than I would like to admit

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! I have had this in mind my for a few months now and I am glad to say I finally wrote it. Hope you enjoyed this quick chapter.


End file.
